Watch this video of this old dude reading his Will.

T-Bag Jones couldn’t be more excited for the new menu.

Two motha fucken monsters are part of the new menu and shit at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. The Funnel Bacakonator and the Mac & Cheese Burger.
T-Bag Jones don’t fuck around, he’ll eat these bitches up in one sitting. ONE MOTHAFUCKA!

via: yahoo! news

I’m gona get a shit load of this motha fucken tree ornament and put it on all the trees in my front yard. It’s gona be awesome.

Buy dis shit.

“It’s always fun until somebody gets hurt…and then it’s hilarious!

So you might have noticed that everybody is all up in arms on the news and shit about these “alcoholic energy drinks.”  The government is trying to ban them, the fucking White House isn’t down (WTF Obama?) all because some retard college kids can’t hold their liquor and got hospitalized.  If this isn’t a classic case of Big Government fucking with the rights of real Americans then I am from fucking Guam.  Just because one can of Joose or 4Loko has the equivalent of 5 beers and 3 cups of coffee doesn’t mean it’s dangerous…it means it’s AWESOME.

Now I know it’s trendy to write about these drinks on blogs now but fuck you because if I had been available to write about this shit months ago I would have.  Now it’s true that I copped the whole idea to drink these things from Poorlifechoices.com – but those bitches were like pioneers on the subject.  It was like learning from the master.

Here’s some pictures from last weekend when I found a stash in NYC.  Three cans later and I was in a bar choking some kid with his own arm and then I woke up in New Jersey an hour later and jogged two miles to meet this Russian chick I “met” online.  Liquid cocaine? Possibly.  Blackout in a can?  I don’t remember much.  Nectar of the gods?  Amen.”

“When we last left our hero T-Bag Jones he had overcome female treachery, substance abuse, medical trauma and pending jail time to return to this blog.  Not much has really changed since then.  But in the wake of these difficulties the Commonwealth of Virginia has recommend a regiment of medications in order to help meet the demands of my parole and reign in my “aggressive tendencies”  I’m so hopped up on these meds now that I can’t even remember what I’m doing half the time.  I actually keep pictures of the different doses on my phone so I know what to take during the day because I am not trying to do any jail time in 2011 so I need to test clean.  This is what 3:00 looks like for me every day: ”

-T-Bag Jones

“Ouija Boards + King Diamond = Haunted Email!

I know for a fact that all of you out there are not listening to enough King Diamond. Whether it’s his solo material or the classics he recorded as frontman for Merciful Fate you need to get on that shit right now or we here at the blog are going to start questioning how down you are.  I mean – look at the fucking pictures of this guy!  He’s like taking a class called “How To Be Metal 101.”  But there can be a little too much of a good thing sometimes…

The other night I was hanging out with these Goth chicks I met on the internet and one of them brought over a Ouija Board.  Now I don’t believe in the dark arts but I was trying to set off an orgy in my guest bedroom so I went along with the game.  It was creepy because the only thing the board kept spelling was “King Diamond.”  I was all like whoa.

So the next day I start getting these emails in my Yahoo account addressed to Melissa…the name of the skeleton King Diamond carries around on stage and the subject of several Merciful Fate songs.  So I’m 99% sure that King Diamond is haunting my inbox.

How do you set the SPAM filter to take care of that?”

-T-Bag Jones

To: T-Bag Jones
From: His moms

“Seriously.  What the fuck?  I used to be a regular contributor on this blog and then fucking BAM! I disappear like a motherfucker and I don’t see nothing on here about “T-Bag, where are you?”  or missing persons reports or even like a small memorial with some candles and shit.  So first of all – fuck all of you.  Fuck you Roger’s blog.  Second of all – I am BACK!  Now it’s been explained to me that the deafening silence in the wake of my absence was due to you all having the post traumatic stress disorder over not hearing from me.  So I pardon y’all because this dude I used to work with had that shit from being in the Coast Guard and he bit this lady in the hand for no reason one day and so if you all went that nuts and bit people over me being gone then I guess I fucking OWE it to you to explain where the fuck I’ve been.

They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger and if that’s the case then I am stronger then 5 incredible hulks who have been doing nothing but shooting HGH and bench pressing sheets of concrete.  Shit has been fucked up for your pal T-Bag.  For “legal” reasons I can’t get into the whole story but according to my lawyer I can provide the basic parameters to this blog as a source of “art therapy” or some liberal shit…I wan’t listening…but here’s the break down of the worst year ever in the life of T-Bag Jones:

- I got arrested for some shit I DID NOT DO
- I got arrested for some shit I did do for reasons of moral obligation
- I had a mild heart attack
- I got divorced from my first wife
- I got divorced from my second wife who literally stabbed me in the back with a butter knife
- I fell of the wagon after 13 years of sobriety
- I won several regional drinking competitions…that I hosted
- I watched shitloads of iCarly

2010 was a year where I lost a ton of loved ones, drank a ton, and bled out of several different orifices.  Take a look at this picture and see if you can figure out where I was bleeding from that day and I’ll be back with more later…”

-T-Bag Jones