ALF : I really enjoy you on that show where they have all those mistakes and foul-ups!
Ed McMahon : Oh, you mean “Bloopers and Practical Jokes”?
ALF : No, “Star Search”!!! HA, HA, HA!!!
(ALF has a sock on his hand and he is talking to it because he thinks he has no friends)
ALF: Well, what do you want to do Mr. Ginzberg? Play charades? Watch a movie? Go to a sock hop!? HA! HA! HA!
Willie : Well, ALF, while we’re gone I trust you won’t be getting into any mischeif.
ALF : You do?
Willie : Not really, but we gotta go.
Kate : ALF, you can use the portable TV in the bedroom.
ALF : But it’s too small! It makes everyone look like John Candy!
Willie : You got me in a panic to tell me the TV’s broken?!
ALF : Sorry, but I began to panic when I missed “Gumby.”
Jake : What are you anyway?
ALF : I´m an alien, from the planet Melmac. I have powers you can only dream of.
Jake : Like what?
ALF : Aaamm … I can watch 10 hours of tv, without ever getting up to go to the bathroom.