“Here’s an update on my business of making fat kids into professional models in order to save America by making myself rich.

There are a lot of goddamn fat kids to pick from.  Too many of them are sissy blubber wads who cry when you yell at them and won’t show a little skin for the guy at Sears when we get some headshots done.  Fine – whatever.  But like all good things that come to those who wait, I’ve found my first model.  Scott here is from Nebraska.  He likes Nintendo, rap and eating the fuck out of everything he can find.  His parents just GAVE him to me so that’s cool.  I’ve got some Great Expectations action going on here.  He’ll be earning me a couple grand a week once I get him a haircut and a job as the spokes person for bacon.

You hear me coming America.  Coming right in your face.”

-T-Bag Jones